Where do I begin?

I’ve got so much to tell you I don’t know where to start.  Firstly, thank you to all those customers who keep coming in and asking about my blog.  I’ve told Mum if she doesn’t let me do it I am moving out to live with someone else, and I will take my comfy bed, ball, bag of toys, bone, 5kg of carrots (my weekly intake), big bag of food, pigs ears, sardines ………. blimey I didn’t realise just how lucky I am.  Oh and I will be leaving my ‘do not feed’ collar behind!  I know what it says, I have simply worked it out.  Martin (my mate who sometimes takes me a walk) said it read ‘donuts’ he was fibbing.

Anyway, I hope you are all well?  I’m grand.  I am now 2 years and 7 months old.  I weigh 34 kilos.  Mum makes me stand on this square thing at the vets and they all say ‘oh that’s lovely’ It’s only a square box with numbers on it!

I think I have told you about my brother and step brother coming in.  Well, guess what?  I have got another step brother who lives in Glossop.  His name is Jarvis (he can’t sing) and he looks like me.  It seems my Dad has been very busy.  So if I have any more siblings out there, come and see me and we can have a group photo…I’m not sure we will all fit in the pub tho’

I’ve been to Scotland.  I was in heaven.  There is so much water, everywhere.  I swam in the sea, in the lochs, in the puddles and oh the lovely muddy holes in the moors.  I could hear Mum saying, ‘oh no, not again Humph’.  I made a lovely friend ‘Blackie’ on one of the beaches.  He sent me a message last week, how nice.  I wasn’t sure about these things that kept lapping up over my head, but then I thought, no prob, just jump over them – easy.  And, I must just mention, I CAN swim.  I kept it a secret from Mum for a while, a man has to have some secrets.  I just put my head down and away I go.  I thought I saw some of my brothers in the sea but Mum said ‘No Humph they are seals’  I’m sure my Dad has been to Scotland because they looked just like me.

So friends, this is my news for now.  But keep checking because when Mum sees my knotted hankie on the end of a stick she’ll know I mean business

Yours Humph xHumphrey