Author: Jeanne Mason

I’ve got so much to tell you I don’t know where to start.  Firstly, thank you to all those customers who keep coming in and asking about my blog.  I’ve told Mum if she doesn’t let me do it I am moving out to live with someone else, and I will take my comfy bed, ball, bag of toys, bone, 5kg of carrots (my weekly intake), big bag of food, pigs ears, sardines ………. blimey I didn’t realise just how lucky I am.  Oh and I will be leaving my ‘do not feed’ collar behind!  I know what it says, I have simply worked it out.  Martin (my mate who sometimes takes me a walk) said it read ‘donuts’ he was fibbing.

Anyway, I hope you are all well?  I’m grand.  I am now 2 years and 7 months old.  I weigh 34 kilos.  Mum makes me stand on this square thing at the vets and they all say ‘oh that’s lovely’ It’s only a square box with numbers on it!

I think I have told you about my brother and step brother coming in.  Well, guess what?  I have got another step brother who lives in Glossop.  His name is Jarvis (he can’t sing) and he looks like me.  It seems my Dad has been very busy.  So if I have any more siblings out there, come and see me and we can have a group photo…I’m not sure we will all fit in the pub tho’

I’ve been to Scotland.  I was in heaven.  There is so much water, everywhere.  I swam in the sea, in the lochs, in the puddles and oh the lovely muddy holes in the moors.  I could hear Mum saying, ‘oh no, not again Humph’.  I made a lovely friend ‘Blackie’ on one of the beaches.  He sent me a message last week, how nice.  I wasn’t sure about these things that kept lapping up over my head, but then I thought, no prob, just jump over them – easy.  And, I must just mention, I CAN swim.  I kept it a secret from Mum for a while, a man has to have some secrets.  I just put my head down and away I go.  I thought I saw some of my brothers in the sea but Mum said ‘No Humph they are seals’  I’m sure my Dad has been to Scotland because they looked just like me.

So friends, this is my news for now.  But keep checking because when Mum sees my knotted hankie on the end of a stick she’ll know I mean business

Yours Humph x

Just to let you know that I will be doing my blog very shortly and intend to do a Sunday update every week. I’ve lost my voice from asking Mum to sort it. She has just let me pop on but its my bedtime and I need to dream of rabbits….I caught one last week but that’s another story. Speak soon. Yours (much older) Humphrey

Ruby came in tonight with Jack and Chris and their friends Mike and Viv.  She’s a beaut!  A lovely springer spaniel just 7 months old.  Just the right age for me because I’m nearly 2 you know.  We were both a bit shy to begin with then it all kicked off.  We rolled around the floor and played for ages.  As usual Mum kept saying ‘Humphrey come’, but I kept nipping back in.  I do hope Ruby comes and sees me again soon, she’s possibly my favourite apart from my mate Albert of course.  I suppose he will be getting a new coat for Christmas, lucky Bert.  Well, the green tree has appeared again with those lovely balls that I tried to pinch last year.  I can’t believe a year has passed.  There is balls hung all around the pub and lights everywhere.  There is no chance of getting lost when I go for my nightly walk, the outside of the pub is ‘tasteful’ well that is what the humans keep saying to Mum.  Tasteful is what my orange things are in a morning – so confusing!   Chef says the Christmas Menu is ready now and there has been some lovely smells coming from the kitchen.  I’ve seen a box that says ‘crackers’ on it, maybe I’m getting a new mate for Christmas called Crackers, how exciting, I’ll let you know.  Auntie Be, the one with the dog from Turkey, has sent me a present with lots of numbers on it.  Mum said ‘right Humph, everyday you can open a number and have the treat behind.  When they are all open it will be Christmas’.  I said ‘Mum just put it on the floor and I’ll eat the lot and save all that messing about’  She didn’t seem very pleased with that idea so I’ll play along and open one a day – very strange.  Well I now know what the tartan is for, New Years Eve.  Champagne & canapes, 5 course dinner and live music with dancing until the early hours.  So my furry friends get your tartan out and come and join me, Ruby, Albert, Scrubbs, Bluebell, Bailey, Theo …………………we only have limited space so book your table now, last year was great!  I’m off to check we’re still ‘tasteful’ outside so catch you soon  Humphrey x

A couple came in the other day.  I could see Mum thinking ‘I know them but there is a special reason’.  Well I can tell you!  They were the couple who agreed there is only one Humphrey in this world!  How lovely they came to see me again.  They said I had grown a bit.  I hope they didn’t mean around the middle or Mum will be cutting the food again.  Gillian had the roast beef dinner and said it was the best roast she had every had.  Lucky Gillian, I can only dream.  Steve and Cheryl, they took me on the long walk when they stayed with us, have sent some photos.  My, do I look handsome.  I’ve asked Mum to frame one to put near my bed.  I don’t care if I am a poser, everyone has photos of themselves.  Someone phoned last night and asked if we were the pub where Humphrey lives.  I’m glad they’ve realised that I am the landlord.  They were happy when Mum said yes and booked a table to eat.  I made them very welcome tonight hoping for a titbit – fat chance!  Mum has got new wheels. I loved our old car.  It smelt of me and was full of my toys, towels and general Humph bits and pieces.  I used to sit on the front seat and put my head on Mum’s knee when I wanted a nap.  Well no more!  I’ve never been in prison but Mum has had these bars put across the back seat.  She said ‘Humph, this is your space.  I am having a carpet fitted and you can look out of the back window, it will be lovely for you’  Space, its about 3 feet square and I can hardly turn round!  I’m not happy.  I’d rather have a sidecar on a motorbike, I’ve seen them on the telly.  Maybe she will see sense and sort something out but I’m not holding my breath!  Christmas!  We’re all re-furbished and I must admit the pub looks posh and is really cosy.  I’m not allowed on the furniture but we have a new carpet and it is really comfy.  The decs are going up soon so if you want to join us for Christmas there is loads happening and Chef, the one who gives me the orange things, has done a lovely menu.  Mum and Nicky were talking tartan tonight, so check our website for New Years Eve.  I know that is the tartan thing and we’ve got live music.  What’s live music?  It must be a human thing.  Maybe I can join in…….. See you soon  Humph x