Author: Jeanne Mason

Merry Christmas everyone!  I’ve had a ball.  Well I have had a ball but I’ve also had a great time.

First there was the white stuff,  the orange things have been plenty and then there was the presents.  Mum gave me loads of presents to undo, cuddly toys, food goodies, my new ball and my mate Toby bought me a cracker that I could eat.  It was delicious!  After I had opened my pressies I found some more under the Christmas tree only to hear ‘Humph leave it!’  apparently Mum had some presents as well.  How was I to know?

Cheryl and Steve came to stay in a cottage across the green.  They stayed in the pub last year and came back especially to see me!  Cheryl asked if she could take me a walk.  How good is that.  I heard her talking to Mum, fetched my lead, poop bag (well when a dog has to go……), looked at the treat box, they come with me on every walk and sat staring at her.  It was fab.  We walked for 6 miles.  I took her down the dale to the river because I love swimming (now my secret is out)  it was great!  We were late getting back and I was just resting my paws when Toby turned up for my daily walk.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’d already been so off we went.  I bet he thought I was good on the lead for a change.  Truth was I was a bit pooped!

I’m dressing up as Scooby Doo on New Years Eve because he gets loads of scooby snacks.  I hope you are coming to our party.  If not you need to book really soon because I heard Mum say she is capping it, whatever that means.  I know lots of people have been buying tickets.  Albert’s Mum and Dad are coming, I do hope he is coming too.  He will have to learn to walk on two legs pretty quick though so we can mingle with the humans.

More white stuff arriving tonight, yippee,  another Dalmation day.

I’m off to bed so I can get up really early and get out in the snow.

Humph 

 

It’s Dalmation time again!  The other night I popped out for my last ‘visit’ to the garden and hey all this white stuff was falling from the sky.  I LOVED it!   I was running up and down the garden and skidding on the patio, such fun.  Mum was shouting  but in a quiet voice, ‘Humph come in’.  Well it was after midnight and she was in her famous dressing gown and slippers.  Why didn’t she just put her wellies on and join in?  Phil, our neighbour who thinks I’m called ‘Leave It’ was in bed.  I’m pleased because it meant Mum couldn’t shout so I pretended not to hear and had a brill time.  I eventually came in and Mum said ‘Humph you look like a Dalmation’  I remember that from last year.  I rather like the ‘Dalmation’ look.

Mum went shopping the other day and I found a lovely new toy in her bag and sneaked it under the bench in the bar, my favourite hiding place.  Someone snitched on me and told Mum where it was complete with label!  I got the usual ‘Humph’.  Apparently it was one of my Christmas presents.  I’ve seen some more under the Christmas tree but I know she’s keeping an eye on them!

Mum’s bought a voucher from the Litton School Christmas Fair.  There is a lady in the village called Rachel Rennie and she is really good at taking photos of dogs and children.  So, the brush has been out and I’ve seen the chicken toothpaste looming!  I will send you a picture when they’ve been done.  I hope it brings lots of potential lady friends in.

We’ve had music all week.  Litton Band, Tideswell singers and tomorrow is Cressbrook Band, that means my friend Helen (the one that brings me treats) will be in – great!  you should come and listen to the band, they are really good.

Lots of people have been enjoying Chef’s lovely food and the orange things have been in abundance, I think I’m the luckiest dog in the world.  I hear that people leave the orange things out for the reindeer, never mind them I’m off for a stroll round the village on Saturday night.  If you see me give me a high five!

Soon be Christmas, I’m really excited

Humph X

My mate Toby came to take me a walk the other day as usual.  We’ve found this fab place with loads of water for me to play in.  Off we went and in I went!  The next thing I knew Mum was on the phone and Toby was out of breath because he could hear me barking and couldn’t find me.  Utter panic!  Mum appeared with a torch and poor old Toby was distressed.  I was happy as larry jumping up and down and trying to move the water, it always comes back!  To say Mum was annoyed is an understatement.  Her voice went all high and she kept saying ‘Humph you are a naughty dog’.  Blimey, I know it was dark but they keep giving me them orange things so my eyesight is brilliant, what’s all the fuss?

You must come in!  We’ve got loads of new beers for Christmas.  Well, the beer badges have got funny pictures on them.  The tree is up!  All them lovely balls to play with again.  Just popped my nose in the tree last night to hear ‘Humph, leave it’  she spoils everything.

I’ve had loads of visitors. First there was Noodle & Pixie the Cocker Spaniels, pretty to say the least.  Benson the Bull Dog popped in.  Oh blimey, Mum was cooing, I thought she loved black labs but now I’m not sure, especially since my bad behaviour!  Oh, and Theo came in.  He’s the black lab that came in a year ago.  Same name as our waiter but they look a bit different, ours has only got two legs, very confusing!

We’ve got a new Chef, well we’ve got two.  But do you know, they all know to give me the orange things.  Isn’t that great, I haven’t had to tell them.  I just sit at the door, stare at them and drool, I’m very good at that, and hey an orange treat comes my way!

The Chef’s are cooking some lovely food for Christmas, well it looks good, you will have to be the judge of that!!

Well, this computer keeps going funny.  Mum says ‘don’t worry Humph, we’re getting fibre optic’  I don’t know what it is but I hope I can eat it!

I’ll catch you soon, promise

 Humph X

Something has gone wrong with the round thing on the wall with numbers on it.  I know, that every day, Toby comes to take me a walk after school.  So, off I went to the back door on Monday and stood looking down the drive as usual.  I stood and stood but he didn’t arrive.  Eventually Mum found me and said ‘hey Humph, what are you staring at?’  Then she said ‘Oh Humph the clock has changed’.  What does that mean?  My body tells me when I get fed, what time the pub opens, when the long orange things arrive AND when I go for a walk.  Its played havoc with me.  Why do you humans need a round thing on the wall to tell you all that?  You make things so complicated.

Naomi has been busy writing on the blackboard in the bar.  She read it out to me and its all about Christmas and New Years Eve.  Talking of which, no one has invited me to a party yet so I’m starting to think about my favourite TV character so I can sneak into the party here.  I’m practising walking on two legs so you will never recognise me!  Tideswell Singers are coming in singing Christmas Carol’s, Litton Band are having a party here and playing afterwards and Cressbrook Band are coming along too.  Helen runs Cressbrook Band.  She (and others) come in every week after practise for a pint of our lovely beer.  I love Helen, she brings me treats so I sit staring at her all night.  I think she loves me too because she lets me follow her to the loo and outside for a smoke (that’s Helen, not me!)

Stoke.  I heard someone today say that they were from Stoke and read my blog all the time.  How nice is that!  I hope they remembered to put a pin in our map.  I here Guy say ‘I will just stoke the fire’ How strange!

Anyway, my brain has now told my body to adjust and I recon its about Toby time so I’m off to put my outdoor gear on.  Its going dark, does that mean tea will be soon??

Catch you soon

Humph x

I’ve had a message from South Africa!  Helen, the lovely lady who came just to see me, has got her ‘black lab’ Merlot (I hear the staff offer that to the customers, hope they’re not selling her dog) to send me a message.  He’s got 2 sisters, the funny coloured ones.  They sound real characters, I would have loved to have met them.

Then there’s Barry the Wheaten Terrier.  I like Barry now.  He’s sent me a lovely message.  After much persuasion Mum has agreed to put a ‘Dog’s Dinner Menu’ on and I know Barry will be pleased to see it on his next visit.  He said his Dad loved our real ales and his Mum enjoyed Chef’s lovely food so I think Barry will definitely will be returning – great!

Elmo is on holiday.  He popped in last night.  He’s a smashing ‘black lab’ and works with his Mum.  I realise now that ‘black lab’s’ are everywhere.  isn’t that brilliant?  Elmo does look a bit like me so I had to check where he was from because I thought my Dad had been out and about again.  Dad doesn’t seem to realise its expensive rearing children and just leaves the Mum’s to give them away.  My Auntie (human one) gave Mum a mug.  It says ‘dogs are better that humans because you can sell their babies!’  Charming, well let me tell you this ‘black lab’ is not for sale!  Anyway, I hope Elmo pops in again, we had great fun playing.

‘Christmas won’t be long Humph’ Mum keeps saying.  I asked if that meant loads of paper for me to rip up and she said ‘no Humph, it means we will be doing the Christmas Menu and having people coming in to party’.  New Years Eve we are having a fancy dress party, ‘your favourite TV personality’ with live music and a complimentary supper served late.  Tickets are £5 all for Alzheimer’s Research.  My Grandma (human one) died of this so Mum wants to do a whole year of charity fund raising in memory of her.  Mum says Grandma was not a ‘doggy person’ but when she became ill she loved them, how strange.  I never met Grandma but know my brother, Rupert, chewed her new shoes, brill!  Anyway, New Years Eve I’m packing my hanky on my stick and moving out for a few hours so if anyone wants to doggy party me let me know!  I’ll bring some doggy games and nibbles but all those humans will just be too much!

Off for a snooze now, I’ve had the biggest dish of food and all this brain work makes me tired.

Catch up soon

 Humph x

What a week!  I think we’ve had more dog breeds in here this week than Crufts!  That’s where Mum went and brought back that ‘do not feed collar’!

First there’s Guy.  Guy works behind the bar.  Mum calls him ‘something’ something’ Guy.  She said I can’t type it here because its for humans only, why do humans have to be so different?  Anyway Guy (and Sue his wife) have got two lovely ‘labs’.  They’re a funny colour but Mum said ‘just because you’re a ‘black lab’ Humph, it doesn’t mean they all are’.  Sika is a baby.  She seems to ignore me but stares at Mum when the dog treat box is around.  She’s got an older sister, Brie.  Mum loves Brie, she’s getting on a bit, that’s Brie not Mum.  I think she reminds Mum of Rupert her last ‘black lab’.  Talking of Rupert, Mum says she thinks I have some of Rupert’s spirit in me.  The only spirit I know is those behind the bar and I never get a look in at those!

Holly, a black lab, has been on holiday for the week and popped in most nights.  I think she took a shine to me, and wasn’t bad looking herself if I may say so.  Someone phoned to come for lunch and said they were bringing a visitor from South Africa who wanted to meet me.  (I really lifted my shoulders and combed my head), anyway she came in, I think I heard her name was Helen but I might be wrong.  She’s got not one, but three ‘labs’, only one black one but I forgive her.  Nice photo of them on a beach…………………if only.

Mum invited Helen? to stick a pin on a blue thing on the wall.  Naomi said ‘they are maps Humph’.  We’ve got 2.  One of the world and one of the UK.  When customers come in they are invited to put a pin in where they have come from.  I go past these everyday when I nip out to the garden and let me tell you there are pins all over the place.   People, and their dogs, come from all over the world to our lovely country pub, how good is that?

Before I go and have 5 minutes with Max, he’s a person not a dog, Max used to be the landlord here many years ago, I suppose I must mention Barry!   Barry is a Wheaten Terrier.  He came in with his Mum and Dad.  Oh my, Mum was ‘oh he’s so cute, oh he’s lovely, come and look Humph’.   He was ok!  Not bad looking if you like that kind of thing.  For me its ‘black lab’ first, oh apart from Albert.

Off to compare notes with Max now.  See you soon……..come and try Chef’s specials, the lamb smells amazing!

Humph

Mum got the square black thing out so I thought ‘blimey she really doesn’t want me to leave’ so I jumped up beside her and here we go.

I smell beautiful.  Toby ( he’s my new best mate and takes me a walk every afternoon), took me down the dale today.  I love it, there’s loads of rabbits.  In fact, a few weeks ago I ate one!  Toby was really worried, Mum was distraught.   She phoned the vet and she said ‘don’t worry, keep an eye on him and if he starts sweating bring him in’  WHAT was all the fuss about?  I had a lovely full tummy AND how can you tell if a ‘black lab’ is sweating?  Anyway, back to today.  I saw my favourite perfume there in the grass and hey, I had a lovely roll in it – eau de Humph.

We’ve got a new beer, Butcombe’s 42.  Naomi, our beer expert, says it the answer to life, the universe and everything.  I’m not really bothered, its black.  In my eyes anything black belongs to me.  I keep sitting in front of the bar gazing at the pump clip (even my mate Martin has been allowed to drink it), but Mum says ‘Humph, in your dreams’.  There’s no room in my dreams!  They’re full of my food, chef’s treats (the long orange things), the lovely ‘black lab’ that popped in earlier, water in any form and oh ….. rabbits.

I’m nodding off ….zzzzzzz

See you soon

Humph